


What We Were Before

by WolfstarPups90



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anal, M/M, NSFW Prompts, Order of the Phoenix - Freeform, Renewing Relationship, Rimming, Sex, Smut, Some feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-06
Updated: 2018-04-06
Packaged: 2019-04-19 01:14:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14225913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfstarPups90/pseuds/WolfstarPups90
Summary: The pain in Sirius’ eyes shot right through Remus’ heart. Sirius shook himself, his eyes falling downcast as he uttered an apology. “I’m sorry, Remus. I just...I-I thought we could go back to...to whatever the hell we were...”Remus bit his lip. “We can’t, Sirius.”“Why not?” Sirius’ voice was small, just above a whisper and he looked up at Remus pleadingly. “I...I never stopped loving you, Moony. Even when I thought...Merlin, fuck! Moony, I’m so sorry...” He recoiled, hiding his face in his hands.Remus inhaled deeply and slowly let it out before he sunk down, sliding off the chair to kneel on the ground in front of the other man. “Sirius,” He said, gently prying Sirius’ hands from his face and placing his finger under the man’s chin to force him to meet his eyes. “We can’t be what we were before because we aren’t the same as we were.”





	What We Were Before

Number Twelve Grimmuald Place wasn’t the ideal place for anyone to be living, even if it was the perfect location for Headquarters. It had been deserted for quite some time since the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black had seemingly all died off, with the exception of course being the eldest son, the disowned heir who had been locked away in Azkaban prison, and that left only the skulking, brooding but loyal House Elf as the only occupant. 

The house had at some time been beautiful, in an almost Victorian way with it’s intricately designed fixtures and ornate staircase and banister, but it had always been dark and gloomy even when it had been at its most pristine. Now the thick layers of dust, peeling wallpaper and splintering wood just made the place feel more tomb-like and haunted. 

And Haunted it was, in every sense of the word, by the dead and by the living. There was the screaming portrait of Walburga Black, the late mistress of the house who spat venomous insults about those who were unfit to inhabit the house of her ancestors, and of course the aforementioned house elf, Kreacher, who grumbled and muttered his own nasty opinions whenever he wasn’t sobbing over his deceased family. There was a ghoul up in the attic and several boggarts hiding in many of the darkest parts of the house, making things go bump in the night and causing general discomfort. And then, possibly worst of all, there was Sirius. Sirius Black, who was alive, by physical standards, the last remaining family member and the only one who would have never wanted to step foot in that house again and yet there he was stuck, unable to leave, like the ghosts of all that had come before him. Sirius, who had escaped after twelve years of hell in a prison that would have tormented most men to the very brink of insanity, just to be locked away again in a place that surely would destroy him in a way Azkaban could not. 

It killed Remus to see what Sirius was becoming. A living ghost. Barely even a shadow of the bright, energetic, brilliant man he had been before. The man Remus had loved with every last bit of himself, that had torn him apart and put him back together so many times throughout the years just like the moon did to him every month. 

When Sirius had first appeared on Remus’ doorstep over the summer there was so much that needed to be done and although their interactions had been a little awkward, Remus thought he could still see the spark somewhere in his ex lover’s eyes that had been there before. Especially when, after a few weeks of carefully avoiding certain topics, the two of them had their first screaming match in thirteen years. That had certainly brought out the Sirius that Remus remembered. The brash, impulsive man who wore his heart on his sleeves and was loud and entitled and stubborn and for a moment, Remus forgot how long it had been and he almost launched himself across the room to tackle the other man to the ground and shut him up by crushing their mouths together in a desperate and hungry kiss like he would have back then. But then that moment was over, and they ended the fight with a terrible, heavy silence and they never brought it up again.

They still hadn’t brought up _ them _ . What they had been. 

And it was weighing on them both. 

It wasn’t until Remus came back from a dangerous mission, days after he had been expected to return and not in the best shape, that the tension between the two men finally snapped. Sirius, who had been the only one in the house the night of Remus’ return, was seeing to the werewolf’s wounds. It was a painfully familiar scene: Remus, bruised and bloodied and broken, sitting on the chair in study and Sirius kneeling on the floor before him, casting healing charms and spreading salve on cuts and wrapping bandages just had he had done after every full moon back then. Back before everything had gone so wrong. 

Caught up in a moment of nostalgia, Sirius had leaned in and kissed Remus once he was finished. Remus had fallen easily into the kiss, letting years melt away until his blasted memory caught up with him and he stopped, pushing Sirius gently away with a hand on his chest. “Sirius...” 

The pain in Sirius’ eyes shot right through Remus’ heart. Sirius shook himself, his eyes falling downcast as he uttered an apology. “I’m sorry, Remus. I just...I-I thought we could go back to...to whatever the hell we were...” 

Remus bit his lip. “We can’t, Sirius.” 

“Why not?” Sirius’ voice was small, just above a whisper and he looked up at Remus pleadingly. “I...I never stopped loving you, Moony. Even when I thought...Merlin,  _ fuck _ ! Moony, I’m so sorry...” He recoiled, hiding his face in his hands.

Remus inhaled deeply and slowly let it out before he sunk down, sliding off the chair to kneel on the ground in front of the other man. “Sirius,” He said, gently prying Sirius’ hands from his face and placing his finger under the man’s chin to force him to meet his eyes. “We can’t be what we were before because we aren’t the same as we were.” 

“I...I know. I know, Remus. I understand. After everything I did, I understand you couldn’t possibly still...or you couldn’t again-” 

“Stop.” Remus ordered, gentle but firm, and Sirius stopped rambling and took a breath. Remus smiled. “I could never stop loving you, Sirius. I tried, believe me...But I couldn’t and I won’t.” 

“Then why can’t we-!?” 

“I said,” Remus spoke over him. “That we couldn’t be what we were before. And that’s true. Nothing is the way it was before, Sirius, and we have to accept that...but we could still be something new. We can start again...it won’t be the same, but-” 

Sirius closed the distance between them, pressing their lips together insistently. 

“I don’t care what it is, Remus, as long as it’s with you.” 

And just like that it was like waking up from a dream. A long, lonely, terrible dream that had been a nightmare for them both but now here they were, awake and alive and together. Their lips met again, this time with hunger and passion as their mouths devoured each other, their tongues tasting and searching for everything familiar and everything new. Their hands began to roam over each other’s bodies, tearing away and clothing, trying to get to skin. 

They fell to the floor, wrestling momentarily for the upper hand which of course Remus won, as he always did and Sirius was more than happy to submit as usual. Remus sat back on his heels to allow Sirius to sit up enough to pull his shirt over his head and toss it aside and Remus had to shake the thoughts of how alarmingly thin his lover was out of his head, leaning back in to trace his tongue along the inky black lines of the tattooed chest.

Sirius moaned, letting his head fall back in pleasure at the feeling of Remus’ mouth on his skin. Then he whined. “Too much...too much clothes, Moony.” He tugged impatiently at the werewolf’s shirt. “ _ Off _ .” 

Remus finished sucking a bruise into the pale skin over Sirius’ heart before he sat back again and allowed Sirius to unbutton his shirt. Sirius’ hands trembled with anticipation and it didn’t take long before he let out a frustrated growl and just tore the garment, sending buttons flying everywhere. 

“Sorry...” Sirius breathed, staring almost dazed at Remus’ chest and trailing one hand over the newly exposed skin. He licked his lips and let out a breathy laugh. “Wow...you’ve got more hair than I remember.” 

Remus felt his face grow warm. He had quite a few more scars than he was sure Sirius remembered as well. He forced his own laugh. “Told you we weren’t the same as we were before.” 

Sirius grinned, and it brought life back into his eyes. He shook his head. “Fucking sexy as hell...” He cupped the back of Remus’ neck and dragged him back into a fierce kiss. 

They wriggled free off their trousers and pants and Remus shoved Sirius back down, flat against the carpet, growling softly into the other man’s mouth as their hips began to grind against each other, their cocks aligned and slicked with sweat. The sound of their moans and gasps filled the room and Remus reached between their bodies, wrapping his long fingers around both of their erections. Sirius cried out, writhing beneath him. He spread his legs further, bucking into Remus’ fist. “Moony...Remus, please...” 

Remus kissed along the line of his jaw and nipped at his earlobe. “What?” He panted, hot and heavy against Sirius’ skin. 

“Need you...” Sirius whimpered, hooking one of his legs around Remus’ waist. “Fuck, Remus, I need you...” 

“You’ve got me...” Remus soothed, tightening his grasp on their cocks just enough and making them both moan. 

“Need to feel you, Remus...please...need you inside of me...fuck me...please...” 

The desperate sound of his mate begging for him made Remus shiver and he stopped what he was doing, pulling back slightly to search Sirius’ face. He nearly forgot how to breathe when he did. Sirius looked every bit as beautiful as he always had, laid out beneath him, wanting him, needing him, begging. The lust in the stormy, gray eyes began to change to fear, probably taking Remus’ pause to mean hesitation and Remus quickly leaned in to press a reassuring kiss to his lover’s lips. 

“We don’t...” Remus sighed, frustrated. “We haven’t got any lubricant...I don’t want to hurt you.” 

Sirius shook his head frantically. “I don’t care whether it will hurt, I just want it....want you...please...” He ground their hips together again to show Remus just how much and Remus moaned, pressing back against him. “I want you to fuck me, Remus. I want you to fuck me as hard as you can and I don’t want you to stop, even if I tell you to **…** ”

_ “Fuck, Sirius _ …” Remus groaned as he started to kiss and lick a path down Sirius’ neck. 

“It’s been too fucking long, Moony…” Sirius whimpered, arching up to the hot, wet mouth that had found one nipple and was licking and biting and sucking it to attention. “It’s been too fucking long and I need you.. _.fuck _ ...want to feel it for the next thirteen bloody years…” 

Remus chuckled huskily giving the other nipple the same treatment as his lover squirmed beneath him. “I couldn’t agree more…” He moved lower down Sirius’ body, dipping his tongue into his navel and kissing down the trail of coarse hair until the leaking head of Sirius’ cock bumped his chin. Remus hovered there for a moment, drinking in the sight of his lover’s desperately hard cock for the first time in years. He pressed a loving kiss to the head, licking away the bead of precum that clung to his lips and savoring the familiar flavor of it. Sirius was mumbling incoherently, his fists clenching and unclenching against the carpet. Remus stroked his fingers gently down the long shaft, he cupped Sirius’ balls for a moment, relishing in how perfectly they had always fit in his hand. He dragged one finger down, just barely brushing over where they both wanted it to go and Sirius shuddered, bracing himself. 

Remus paused, looking around the room and was relieved to find exactly what he was looking for within arm’s reach. He grabbed a throw pillow from the chair he had been sitting on earlier and quickly shoved it under the small of Sirius’ back, lifting his hips up just enough. He ducked his head back down and slowly licked Sirius’ balls, sucking each one into his mouth and hearing Sirius hiss with pleasure. With both hands, he grasped Sirius’ arse, spreading his wide apart and simultaneously lifting his hips just a little more. With a soft moan he pressed his tongue against the tight pucker and Sirius sobbed and twitched. Remus smiled to himself and did it again, laving hungrily over his hole over and over, opening him up with his tongue. 

When he pulled away to breathe he replaced his tongue with two fingers, carefully pushing them in up to the knuckle, twisting and scissoring them and watching through lust hazed eyes as Sirius’ body responded. The muscles is Sirius’ stomach rippled and he trashed his head back and forth. “Moony...please...Remus...fuck me…now, please!” 

Remus was sure he could sit there and continue this exquisite torture forever. He could draw it out, slowly fucking Sirius with his fingers and his tongue until the man was nothing but a puddle beneath him. There would be more time for that. They had time…

Right now was not that time. 

Remus pulled his fingers out and Sirius whined at the loss. Spitting in his hand, Remus coated his cock as best as he could and lined himself up. Their eyes met and Remus slowly pushed in, every ounce of self control focused on preventing himself from shoving himself hard and fast into the welcoming heat of his lover’s body. Sirius tensed at the initial intrusion, his eyes screwing shut as he concentrated on staying relaxed and open until finally Remus was fully sheathed inside. 

Remus stilled, resting his forehead against Sirius’, both of them trembling as they adjusted to each other again and then Sirius nodded. “Move...Fuck me, Moony.” 

Remus began slowly, pulling out almost to the tip and sliding easily back in with little resistance. Sirius clenched around him, wrapping his legs around Remus’ waist to urge him on. “More…” He gasped. “Harder...fuck me harder, Moony, please…” 

Remus sat back, bringing Sirius’ legs up over his shoulders and pulling his hips back down onto his cock making Sirius howl and throw his head back. Then he fucked him, hard and fast and brutal and somewhere in the back of his mind he thought that Sirius would surely have rug burns on his back, but he couldn’t bring himself to care about anything other that the feeling of tight heat around him and love and mate and home…

Their moaning and the sound of skin slapping against skin filled the air and Remus reached between them to fist Sirius’ cock again. 

“Cum…” He panted, his hand moving furiously over the hard flesh, feeling his own climax building inside of himself. “Cum for me, Sirius…” 

Sirius nearly screamed in ecstasy, his nails digging into Remus’ shoulders as his orgasm tore through him and he came in long, hot ribbons over Remus’ fist and his own stomach and Remus surged forward, crushing their mouths together as his own hips stuttered and he spilled his release deep inside his lover. 

Afterwards they laid together in a tangle of limbs, gasping for breath and completely spent.

It was familiar and yet it was completely different.

They were different, but they were still them. And maybe they couldn’t be what they were before, but maybe that was okay because whatever they were, they had each other. 


End file.
